I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
