There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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