In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This baby is an asshole
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
