A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
