I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize