Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
