I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
