I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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