he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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