I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
