he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
