I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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