Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
