I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
