Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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