he puts the penis in happiness.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
These tits shall not be calmed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
