try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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