All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
