On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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