You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
