I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
