He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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