Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
