So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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