Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
