Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize