there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
