Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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