it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
