so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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