Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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