i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
