seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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