So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize