my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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