Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
