Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
