he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
