I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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