so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize