i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
