Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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