I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
