Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
