we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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