I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have post one night stand depression
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
