soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
