Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
