She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's blow job season.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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