I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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