Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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