you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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