so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
