no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
