Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
