it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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