Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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