Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
