OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
