my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
