Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
