If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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