So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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