i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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