Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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