I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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