If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
is it fun? or sober?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
