I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You are a genius and a whore.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
