All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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