you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
